The Fifth and Final Car Accident…Almost


“There’s blood! There’s blood. Where is is coming from?”

My brother looked around me. “Where is it? Where do you see it? Is it anywhere else?” he asked.

“I think just my hand. I can’t keep my eyes open to see…”

“Stay awake Kate. Stay wake. It’s ok. I think it’s just on your hand. I don’t see it anywhere else. You cut your hand on something.”
“My arm. My arm has blood on it.”

My arm and my hand had cuts on them. Most likely from they took the impact against the glass when the van hit the snowbank. There were ice cold and red. Like when you were a kid tobobaganning the sharp snow slips up your sleeve from a wipe-out on your GT-snowracer. I much prefer those cuts though.
I could not keep my eyes open and the world felt better keeping them closed. Anytime I opened them I could not get anything in front of me to stop moving.

“Where’s Dad? Where’s Dad?”

“I don’t know. He’s ok. He’s over there.”

“Can you go check on him? I’m ok. I’ll be all right.”

My brother went to check on my brother. I started to here the faint sound an ambulance siren. Unsettling on a normal day, it was even more unsettling on this quiet snow laden day where the show seems to dampen all the other sounds. The siren was starting to pierce my head and I wanted to cover my ears, but didn’t want to move from trying to find stillness. The siren stopped. I could hear muffling of male voices and questions.

“Are you hurt sir? Are you ok over there? The caller mentioned a young woman. Where is the girl? Is she your daughter?”

My eyes were still shut and I could feel a big man beside me.

“HI there. I’m Jack. I’m a paramedic. Where are you hurt?”

I didn’t answer. I was speaking very slowly. It hurt to talk.

“Can you answer me? Do you know your name?”

Not this again. What’s with paramedics asking my name all the time? No, I knew why he was doing it. Took a while to answer. I wanted to hurl again. I also wanted to get warm. I was freezing. I couldn’t feel my hand anymore. I don’t know how long it took me to answer.


“Can you give me your full name?
Every word I spoke I just wanted to throw up. My head was hurting so much. Thinking hurt.

He was insistant. He was doing his job. That’s ok, but I just want the world to stop spinning.

He checked me out. I mean, he did all the things that paramedics do to check my vitals etc. His voice sounded nice. All I could hear was his voice. I could feel his presence too. I got a sense, a glimpse of how a blind person senses things around them. His voice was calm and soothing and his presence felt strong and assured.

“Katherine, were going to move you ok. Can you feel your toes?”

I don’t know. I can’t feel anything.

Jack touched my quadracep. Can you feel this Katherine?

“Yes, I can feel that. I’m cold.”

“Can you open your eyes for me Katherine?”

I tried to open my eyes. I tried to open one of them slowly. It was agony. The more I lifted my eyelid the more I slower I got to wanting to be sick.

“I need you to open your eyelids Katherine ok? I need you to stay awake.

His voice called out to the snowbank. Hi, what’s your name? You’re her boyfriend?”

“Brother. Twin.”

“Can you come talk to your sister? Try and keep her awake ok.”

“Harry, get the spinal board.”

I could hear them talking back and forth but couldn’t make sense of some of the things they were saying. Words phased in and out. It felt like my some part of my head was trying to grab a hold of something to stand still, but another word would be said and I was gone again trying to find that word and make sense of it in my head.

“Katherine, we’re going to put you on a spinal board ok? It’s just precaution because you can’t move your neck. I don’t want you to do anything ok? You don’t have to move a thing. Let me do everything for you.”

Jack the paramedic leaned into the miniture hatchback. How is this man who sounds big going to fit himself in here, get me and put me on a board without me lifting a finger?

He reached in. He told me what is was doing before he did it. He  put one arm under my legs and the other one around my back. His arm was supporting my neck at the same time. He was calling these out to Harry.

“Katherine. I know it’s hard, but try and relax. It’s better if you relax like a ragdoll. Let me do this for you.”

I don’t know how they did it, but Jack picked me up in swiftly all while manouvering his big body in and out of this tiny cramped mailman’s hatchback full of mail.

“S-l-o-w. S-l-o-w-l-y. Go slow.”

Ok Katherine I’ll go slow. Hang on. The next thing I knew I was floating in the air. I was layed out on top of the stretcher. I felt something suction my whole body in.

“I can’t move.”

“That’s the board Katherine. It suctions you in. It’s ok, it may feel strange. It’s foam and rubber.”

I felt like i was really high up in the air. The snow was deep and I could sense their boots were deep in the snow and the legs sunk into the ground with the snow up around their shins. Jack was at one end. My head. I knew his voice the most. Harry was at my feet. Was he facing backwards or forwards? How are they going to keep me level and not drop me? How are they going to walk in this deep snow up the road? It wasn’t fluffy snow. It was hard crispy snow that cuts on each step, that crushed the crisp layer and doesn’t allow your boot to trail. The kind where you have to exagerate each step up, over and back into another piece of snow. I wanted to throw up from up here. Then they started to move.

I felt nauseous.

“Stop. Please stop.”

“I know it’s hard Katherine, but we need to get you to the hospital. One step at a time ok? We’re almost there.”

Each step took an eternity. Each step my body was lowered and heightened in the air and I thought they would drop me at any minute into the crispy snow. At least I was suctioned cupped into this rubberized body cocoon.They got to the road. Great – ice. Isn’t how we go into this mess in the first place? I was so scared they would slip and fall and I’d hit the ground. They turned around on the icy and road and sifted me into the back of the ambulance like a settling a pancake down on the pan with a flipper. I was relieved I had stopped moving. They climbed into the front of the ambulance.  I can’t remember if one stayed back with me or not. I know they usually do. They must have. I heard the ambulance door shut one after the other behind me. Every sound seemed so crisp, so distinct, so loud.


“Yes, Katherine?”

“Slow please.”

“Yes, Katherine, we will drive slow.”

He didn’t. He drove very very fast. Very fast. Maybe he didn’t and I thought it fast. No, it seemed very very fast and we were ont he same black ice road. All the roads were icy.


“Yes Katherine?”

“Please. slow. Please. it hurts.”

“It’s ok Katherine. Harry and I are experienced drivers. Everything is ok. Everything is going to be ok now. Don’t worry.”

Why do they say that? My life was almost taken, again. I don’t remember most of it and every second hurt and he’s telling me now to worry that he’s driving fast, in a van I just drove on? I just tried not to breathe. And not. I don’t remember. Nothing made the spinning go away. Nothing made anything stand still.

Avoiding the hump day before my birthday tomorrow.

Red Fingerprint•  Mood:  Thinking of my birthday tomorrow.
•  Locale: Starbucks, King & John.
•  On deck: { Listen here } 
Angel by Sarah McLachlan
• { My second love said he thought of me in the first car accident everytime he heard this song. ~ “You were pulled from the wreckage..”}


© All rights reserved. Kate Flood •


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